Microsoft Windows

Hey Microsoft Windows,

You know what - you suck!

You ran your bullshit "Automatic Update" thing YESTERDAY, interrupting my work, forcing me to stop what I was doing and restart my computer - which we all know takes FOREVER on a PC.

Here is your bullshit message:



It reads, "Updating your computer is almost complete. Your computer needs to be restarted for the updates to take effect. Windows will restart your computer automatically in (14:59) minutes.
Do you want to restart your computer now?

Options: Restart now (Restart Later) is not clickable.

Plus, I can't close the window! The "X" is not clickable.

FUCK YOU.

That's a complete dick move FORCING me to restart my computer when you feel like it so your bullshit updates - to programs I probably never use - can take effect.

And then (you assholes!) you drop this dick message on me after you restarted my computer:



It reads, "Windows recently downloaded and installed an important security update to help protect your computer. The update required an automatic restart of your computer."

Yeah? No shit!

It's bad enough that you do this EVER, but you did this crap to me yesterday, and then, TODAY I started up my computer AND YOU DID IT AGAIN!

What new update was developed last night? What new update did you create between the hours of 1 a.m. and 10 a.m.?

None. AND YOU KNOW IT!

Your bullshit computers and operating system and software are all screwed up. They will always be screwed up. Nothing is ever terrific with you. NOTHING. Everything is always annoying and stupid and frustrating. And "Lawyer/Business"y which makes your shitty products also really insulting.

Plus, you are stupid. I find it hilarious that you put in your Windows 7 commercials people saying "I knew working on my PC could be easier!" and then having them talk about some innovation that Apple already does. "I'm a PC and Windows 7 was ... Steve Jobs' idea".

Microsoft Windows - you will always suck.

Administrative Law Judge Vincent J. Andreassi

Hey Vincent J. Andreassi,

You know what - You Suck.

Wow, Vince.

Unbe-fucking-lievable.

I put a lot of thought into the letter I sent contesting the traffic violation I received for allegedly blocking traffic. I made sure to use correct grammar and spelling. My sentences were well constructed, and dammit, I presented a very persuasive argument.

Here is the EXACT legal decision you rendered; Word-for-word, grammar and punctuation un-edited:

Claim that there was sufficient space on opposite side of intersection but repondent prevented from moving into far right lane by agent wlking in frontof his vehiocle not persuasive,

YOU ENDED YOUR SENTENCE WITH A COMMA?

I am supposed to pay $115 for this and you can't take the time to spell "vehicle" correctly?

You make judgments for the Department of Finance PARKING VIOLATIONS OPERATIONS!

SCREW YOU.

An Administrative Law Judge - wowzers. Kudos to you for obtaining your law degree. That's a huge accomplishment for someone who clearly couldn't pass third grade level Grammar and Punctuation.

I heard Bloomberg was working to overhaul the education system; now I know why.

Here's the Zoni website, so you can take "English as a Second Language".

You define "suck".

If I lose my appeal I'm going to be forced to sue the city,

Monica Memo

Hey Monica Memo,

You know what - you suck!

I should have known you would suck as you were appearing on "The O'Reilly Factor". Yuck.

It is offensive to me that your spouting off things that you "believe" and reporting them as fact in order to scare the living shit out of easily manipulated lemmings.

You suck for saying that, even though Obama said that analysis indicates that the public plan will only cover about 5% of people, you "believe" he is going to "back door" the public option and it will lead to government run health care.

You suck and do not deserve orgasms. Ever.

Charles Boustany

Ha ha ha!!!!

Wow dude - you suck.

[clears throat]

Hey Charles Boustany,

You know what - YOU SUCK!

You gave one of the most pathetic Republican responses in history - and Republican responses are ALWAYS pathetic.

Fuck you for saying, "Replacing your family's current health care with government-run health care is not the answer." (Lifted from the transcript you dick cheese).

NO ONE IS SUGGESTING THAT THAT IS THE ANSWER YOU DIPSHIT!

How deft are you?

How hard is it to understand the phrase, "If you like your healthcare - you can keep it."

You are calling the President a liar when you make that bullshit statement. Fuck off!

"Replacing your family's current health care with government-run health care is not the answer." NO SHIT! No one is suggesting it you fuckwad piece of shit loser.

You are so hate-able. Only a desperate tranny whore could make the sexy with you.

Now for the good stuff...

You totally WIN for trying to purchase "Lordship" from a scam artist.

And, you win for being a birther - because it justifies intelligent people thinking you're a complete dumbfuck.

Chuck - you suck. (And no one will ever suck you).

Waiter at Casellula on 52nd between 9th and 10th

Hey Waiter at Casellula on 52nd between 9th and 10th,

You know what - YOU SUCK!!!

Listen here you little bitch ass mother fucker - FUCK YOU.

I'm sorry, you're enormous, I should have said you huge bitch ass mother fucker.

I waited two and a half hours for my friend and his company people or whatever to get to midtown and you had to be a fuckin' dick. Fuck you.

When John pulled the table away from the bar six inches you didn't have to be a little puss.

"Um... I'm pssssorry, we put the tablessss there for a reassssson, ssssssssso, I'm gonna need ya to put it back."

"Well, there's no one else here, right now-"

"We don't jussssst randomly put the tablesssss out, ssssso you're going to need to put it back. There'sssss enough room."

"I don't know, Dan might not have enough room."

(Dan) "I'm fine."

(Me) "You know what, for argument's sake, I don't think IIIIIII have enough room."

(You, Mr. Big Fat Bitchy Waiter) "The tablessss are placed there for a reasssssson-"

This is the best part, cause it's where I tell you what's up...

(Me) "I've been waiting for these guys for two and a half hours. I lived on 51st street for three years. We're not tourists. We are not the table to fuck with tonight."

(You, Mr. Big Fat Bitchy Waiiter) "Well, can I get you all some water, then?"

(Me) "Yes. Thank you."

(beat)

(John) "I'm just trying to think how quickly I would be fired at my restaurant for speaking to a customer like that."

You were a dick you big fat oafy gay dude. (Not that there's anything wrong with the gay, it's just, the gay's would call you a fag. That's how they'd refer to you to personify or whatever the fucking smart word is for "MAKE IT CLEAR THAT" you're a bitchy queen).

So fuck you. You suck. I don't appreciate your bullshit, fucker. Yeah, I understand you're waiting tables and you never made it to Broadway.

I get it. You're 40 and you thought you'd be rich or in love or WHATEVER by now. You're a disappointment to your parents. I understand.

That doesn't mean you can be a bitchy mother fucker with me and my gang you prissy little ... waitress!

Waiter at Casellula on 52nd between 9th and 10th, You Suck!

Bodega Dude at 29th Street and Ditmars

This is tragic.

Hey Bodega Dude at 29th Street and Ditmars,

You know what - you suck!

Mother fu#ker is charging $13 for a six pack of Troegenator Hop Back :-(

Dude you suck for making me look bad. Man, I've been talking about how great it is to be in Astoria and get such great deals and then BAM! Bum raped in my own neighborhood.

You really suck for telling me that if I want to split up the six pack you'd "have to charge $3 a piece - the distributor makes us."

Wow. So you're telling me that my new favorite brewery, Troegs, is a d*ckhead? I'm supposed to be upset with them? THEY suck? They're FORCING you to violate my wallet?

You suck dude. They're not forcing you to do anything.

"They won't take 'em back if they're split up."

Hmm, it's interesting that I don't have this problem with Bodega Dude at 37th street and Ditmars. I guess the breweries just don't like you or something.

Dude, please don't go upper east side on me. I live in Astoria for a reason - because it's better than living in Manhattan. Don't f@ck it up.

Lower the price immediately. $11 is totally fine with me. $12 is acceptable. It's still too high but at least it won't qualify as full rear-end penetration.

You suck.

Bodega Dude at 29th Street and Ditmars