Waiter at Casellula on 52nd between 9th and 10th

Hey Waiter at Casellula on 52nd between 9th and 10th,

You know what - YOU SUCK!!!

Listen here you little bitch ass mother fucker - FUCK YOU.

I'm sorry, you're enormous, I should have said you huge bitch ass mother fucker.

I waited two and a half hours for my friend and his company people or whatever to get to midtown and you had to be a fuckin' dick. Fuck you.

When John pulled the table away from the bar six inches you didn't have to be a little puss.

"Um... I'm pssssorry, we put the tablessss there for a reassssson, ssssssssso, I'm gonna need ya to put it back."

"Well, there's no one else here, right now-"

"We don't jussssst randomly put the tablesssss out, ssssso you're going to need to put it back. There'sssss enough room."

"I don't know, Dan might not have enough room."

(Dan) "I'm fine."

(Me) "You know what, for argument's sake, I don't think IIIIIII have enough room."

(You, Mr. Big Fat Bitchy Waiter) "The tablessss are placed there for a reasssssson-"

This is the best part, cause it's where I tell you what's up...

(Me) "I've been waiting for these guys for two and a half hours. I lived on 51st street for three years. We're not tourists. We are not the table to fuck with tonight."

(You, Mr. Big Fat Bitchy Waiiter) "Well, can I get you all some water, then?"

(Me) "Yes. Thank you."

(beat)

(John) "I'm just trying to think how quickly I would be fired at my restaurant for speaking to a customer like that."

You were a dick you big fat oafy gay dude. (Not that there's anything wrong with the gay, it's just, the gay's would call you a fag. That's how they'd refer to you to personify or whatever the fucking smart word is for "MAKE IT CLEAR THAT" you're a bitchy queen).

So fuck you. You suck. I don't appreciate your bullshit, fucker. Yeah, I understand you're waiting tables and you never made it to Broadway.

I get it. You're 40 and you thought you'd be rich or in love or WHATEVER by now. You're a disappointment to your parents. I understand.

That doesn't mean you can be a bitchy mother fucker with me and my gang you prissy little ... waitress!

Waiter at Casellula on 52nd between 9th and 10th, You Suck!